After my first year of studies in Poland, I decided to go to Germany as an au pair for one year, then continued my studies at a university in Germany. This is how I met fantastic people and gained new opportunities. In addition to psychology and coaching, my long-standing passion is foreign languages, so I also started learning French and Spanish. Within two years of starting my studies in Frankfurt (Oder), I went to Belgium as an Erasmus student. That’s where I met my first husband…
Right after my studies, I got married and decided to have a child. Everything was on track: a beautiful, healthy daughter, building a house… and unfortunately, more and more disturbing, irresponsible and aggressive behavior from… my now ex-husband!
I believed that it would get better, because there are bad times in every relationship. However, I was very wrong. After 4 years, being with him was unbearable and I had to make the difficult decision to leave. Our daughter was only 3 years old at the time. We had a mortgage on the house, I wasn’t working at the time, and still I took THAT inevitable step for me.
There were days when I worked from morning to night, but I had no choice – taking care of my daughter and myself was my highest priority. And I know that it was, despite all the difficulty making it, a very good decision!
I decided to get into another serious relationship about two years after the divorce. This time, I was guided by completely different criteria, more practical than emotional ones. The other partner had completely different traits, such as good organization, experience in the world and financial responsibility ensuring security. I admired these traits and that’s what I needed for myself and my daughter at that time. We moved to the United States, more precisely to Texas, where my partner lived at the time. A new step, a new life, new acquaintances, new challenges, further linguistic and personal development. I remember this period as a positive episode in my life.
However, I quickly began to notice other traits of my husband that did not fit with my system of values. He was a man with his feet firmly on the ground, but he was also self-centered and unempathetic. The lack of understanding and support made it difficult to develop the relationship. However, the need for security, development and stability for me and my daughter kept me in this relationship for some time. I was able to convince myself again, finding arguments that this relationship would be OK.
If you are repeating something like this to yourself right now, know that… NO! It’s not true!
Despite the high standard of living, numerous trips, e.g. to Hawaii, and a sense of security, I felt an increasing inner sadness and loneliness. Was I living in a golden cage? In a way, yes. I considered leaving more and more often. During one of our arguments, I firmly said that I didn’t want to live like this any longer and was going back to Poland.
Two weeks after that conversation, I experienced a real shock… I was 6 weeks pregnant. WHAT? How is that possible? With him? Now? What about my career? My whole life? A single mother of a teenager and a small baby? Court cases, finances, stress, fear. It was too much for one person!
